Written in Red…

"Those with no physical wounds often come home bearing other scars of war.

Is America doing enough for its troops after they return?"
Challenges and frustrations mark return to America – NBC Today Show

Evening…

Over the last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about our warriors and the emotions that will be flowing as they climb the staircase and board an airplane in Kuwait - an airplane that will take them home to Germany. These men and women have looked forward to this day with great anticipation and excitement for quite some time now. I have too. They are finally, headed home and out of harm’s way…but I think there will be more going on here than meets the eye. I have to wonder…

What thoughts will run through their minds as they grab the handrail and begin to climb the steps? How will they handle the emotional pain of knowing that some of their buddies - men they laughed, trained and cried with throughout their service with the 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment - won’t be coming home with them? What will they think as they remember their fallen angels on the long flight home? Like it or not…this is a story of a combat deployment for the 2nd SCR that has been written in red.

In my minds eye, and I want to be clear it is nothing more, this is what I think I would see and experience if I were in line with Chris on the tarmac in Kuwait. For some, this may be too painful to encounter so now would be a good time to exit this blog.

For others, please join me on the tarmac and then board the aircraft, won't you?

“The bravado and banter from the guys was just what you would expect to hear from 20-something warriors who had just finished 15 months of combat operations. Talk fills the air about that first cold drink, a night out on the town, a hug and kiss from a wife, husband, or girlfriend. Some of the discussion is raw and pretty candid, but I am neither surprised nor offended.

One warrior pokes fun at his buddy, who he patrolled the hot, dusty streets of Iraq with many times, about that letter he received that smelled oh so good. His buddy just laughs and smiles as his thoughts turned to home and that lady who penned the letter. I overhear another warrior describe in vivid detail how he plans on spending his first few days on block leave and what it will be like to lay his head down on a pillow and sleep…without the cold steel and stock of his M4 next to him.

They all are looking forward to something. For some it is reconnecting with a friend. For others, it is all about settling down, choosing a college, moving to a new unit or maybe reenlisting. I could sense that they were finally beginning to relax and look ahead.

For me…well, I found myself wondering how they would respond to the unspoken pressure to neatly fold up their feelings and pack them away – how would they react? How many of these warriors will struggle with depression, anxiety and/or post-traumatic stress disorder? You know, those hidden wounds that many would prefer not to talk about.

Despite the smiling faces and buoyant attitudes I saw on the tarmac, I already knew the answer to my questions…

I grabbed the handrail and began to climb the stairs, a couple of steps behind Chris. My stomach was turning somersaults and I was only half-way up the staircase. Why? Was it a rush of relief that Chris was finally headed home and away from the long, grueling patrols and stress of combat? Or was it because of the pain I knew I would feel once I saw the empty seats...seats that should have been filled by vibrant, young men laughing, celebrating and headed home? Maybe it was simply a case of survivor guilt that Chris was safe? Maybe…

As I hit the doorway I took a deep breath and pressed on behind Chris as the line of 2nd SCR warriors slowly shuffled down the aisle. I silently watched as each warrior worked to keep from accidentally bumping the flight attendants with their weapon or rucksack as they navigated the narrow aisles. Their voices spoke in a whisper…excuse me ma'am, pardon me.

While this was unfolding I am ashamed to say that I began to dread the scene ahead. I was frantically trying to talk myself into not looking or thinking about…those empty seats that were coming.

Why? What was I afraid of? Letting my emotions slip out in public? As a former Marine, I can’t…how many times have I heard that real men don’t cry? Wait, isn’t this the same challenge that will now confront our warriors as they reintegrate themselves into a normal routine of life? How will they confront the challenges of rebuilding their mind, body and soul that combat has so ruthlessly unraveled? Furthermore, who will come alongside and help in their time of need?

As Chris cleared the galley and paused I peeked over his shoulder and there they were...rows of empty seats that stretched from window to window. I struggled to grasp the numbers and the emptiness of those seats. Had we lost that many? Did I lose count of my fallen angel blogs? My eyes began to fill…

I bit my lip as I glanced across at the other aisle and there too…warriors had paused to take in the enormity of it all. One reached out his hand and placed it on the top of one of the empty seats. I struggled to hear his words as he spoke in a reverent tone "...rest in peace Aaron and Zachary – I miss you guys."

As my heart was breaking, my mind was quickly flooded with those haunting lyrics from the Keith Anderson song, I Still Miss You…

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you

A warrior in front of Chris used his hand to cross himself as he whispered a prayer for 2LT Burks – a tear fell from his cheek and on to the empty seat.

I heard it land…we all did.

A number of warriors placed their hand on the shoulder of their buddy standing in front of them - helping them make their way through the vast emptiness. It was tough to watch but somehow encouraging. Their hand carried the same message of commitment it did in combat - I got your back…I am here for you.

As I drew along side the rows of empty seats I quietly prayed for the warriors filling the aircraft and the families of these fallen angels.

Names like Davis, Dozier, Johnson, Geiger, Marchand and Candelo were just a few of the many families that I lifted up in a silent prayer. I also thought about where these warriors fought as they wrote their final chapter of a hero's story…Baghdad, Sadr City, Sinsil, and Baqubah. Places we could barely spell, let alone find on a map, prior to this deployment. These warriors and locations are now written in red on our hearts and will forever be part of the storied history of the 2nd SCR.

Yes, I cried during my short stay at the empty rows and I am glad I did. I have nothing to be ashamed of - I will never forget these fallen angels. I am grateful for the sacrifice they paid to secure my freedom.

I made my way to my seat and as I slipped into it I wanted the long flight to begin so I could sleep away some of the pain I was feeling. What a bitter-sweet moment it had been...joy that these warriors were headed home...sadness that there were so many empty seats.

How many miles would it take to numb the pain? I wonder how many other warriors were thinking the same thing as the staircase began to pull away from the jet."

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The 15-month deployment of the 2nd SCR and other units that surged into Iraq in the summer of 2007 will be debated for years to come. There are always those who will be quick to criticize the decisions made by our leadership. However, no one should ever doubt that the warriors of the 2nd SCR gave their heart, soul and in many cases, their lives during the 15 months they were on the ground supporting the war in Iraq.This story is not over yet but the 2nd SCR contributions will never be forgotten...they were clearly written in red...

For those who will be in Germany to honor and welcome Chris and the 2nd SCR home - thank you. As you remember the sacrifice of those who paid the ultimate price at the Fallen Soldiers Memorial and Park in late November...consider it a privilege to stand in honor of those heroes and their families.

Finally, there are many outstanding organizations who stand ready to help our warriors and families work through the unseen scars of war.

Please don't hesitate to reach out...please...

There is too much at stake...

v/r,
- Collabman