Passing the Torch...

"He's off changing lives and making home a safer place for US to live, so thank him constantly.
He's maintaining the strength to do what we cannot, so we must be strong and support him with all that is in us.
And most importantly, tell him you're gonna be here when he comes home, and tell him you love him."

Ms. Erin

Evening...

Passing the torch. Yes, our time is finally here. It is time to hand this well-worn torch over to the next group of loved ones that will join the fight and support their warriors in Iraq.

As we approach the end of our long, 15-month deployment of the 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment to Iraq I thought it only fitting that you hear from the loved ones who supported our warriors every day they have been deployed...every day.

It is the least we can do for those of you who will now step forward and carry the torch of support for the 1st Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division. Why?

My wife and I never received a Deployment-101 guide for parents. I waited for it to appear in my mail box but nope...nada...it never showed. I had many questions, like: What should I expect during the deployment? What are some things I can do to make it through this deployment and at the same time provide the support my warrior will need?

I expect you didn't receive a guide either. So, what did my wife and I do? Well, we found our way with the help of many wonderful, caring people that included our friends at work, church and via an on-line support group for the 2nd SCR established by Ms. Marti. You will read Ms. Marti's words of encouragement later on in this blog.

Oh, and I blogged...almost 300 blogs that served as an outlet for my emotions, concerns, support and encouragement for my son and the entire 2nd SCR. Many probably put you to sleep...kinda crazy, eh? Blogging my way through 15 months of a combat deployment. Maybe it's something you should consider...

Again, this blog is intended for those who are supporting the 1st SBCT, 25th ID replacing the 2nd SCR in Iraq. The parents, siblings, grandparents and loved ones that follow in our footsteps and carry the torch for the next 12 months.

We know you will carry it with the same conviction, commitment and love we all had for the men and women going in harms way...

Take a moment and read the thoughts of those who have almost finished this long, and at times, grueling journey. You will get a glimpse of what you can expect to encounter and how to effectively cope.

I wish someone had shared this insight with me last August...

Passing the torch...in their own words...

v/r,
- Collabman

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What can you expect?

Expect to go through a lot of emotions, and to think about things you never really had to think about. For example, anticipatory grief (I just learned this like last week - wish I had known 13 months ago), imagining what it would be like if the worst happened and walk through it in your mind of the events that would take place. When you start thinking like that, you think you're crazy only to find out you are not, you are normal and more people than you realize go through the same things.

Expect that you will come to the realization that you are strong, that you can and will make it through. Expect that not everyone will understand where you are coming from and that is also ok, it doesn't make them bad, it just is. Some people are at a loss and do not know how to support you, reassure them and thank them for thinking and/or praying, and let any comments roll off.

Expect the time to go by quicker than you think and know that when all is said and done you are just as much a warrior as your soldier.

As a wife, I kept busy. I used the time to get back into school. Between a full time job, kids, school, the gym, church and social activities, I didn't have a lot of time to dwell. Those moments where I had nothing going on or had a tough time, I reached out to a couple people who knew and were also going through it.

I also journaled and I prayed a LOT in the very rough times where all I had were my tears and the Lord.

For my husband, I prayed, I listened and I told him what was going on at home. At times, I would feel guilty venting to him, because I didn't want him to worry but he assured me that it was ok and he needed to know these things- it kept him connected to home.

Send lots of cards, letters, pictures, goodies so they know you are thinking about them.

Lori
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It has been a long 15 months for us, the mothers, fathers and wives of the 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment.

I hope that you, the loved ones of the unit that will replace them in Diyala, will know that our hearts are with you.

It will be a very trying time. But here are some things that helped me through it:

• Staying busy. One of the things that helped me immensely was signing on with Soldiers Angels to make blankets for wounded soldiers. This is a very creative project and it helps to make you feel in touch with the war effort.
• Learning to use the Internet to find stories about the good work our troops are doing. Two good sites are Strykernews and MNF-Iraq.
• Communicating with other mothers, fathers and wives by email. Many of the 2SCR families have been doing this since our soldiers' deployment began. It not only makes you feel less lonely, but also leads to a great exchange of information.
• Sending care packages. Baby wipes and Qtips are great for cleaning rifles. Candy and cookies, etc. are always appreciated. In winter, it does get cold, and so extra heavy socks and hand warmers are good ideas then.
  

Sharyn
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What I would like to tell the families and loved ones of the soldiers heading out to Iraq is this:

Pray hard. Whatever your faith base may be...trust in God to be your ear and your shoulder. The Sunday before my son, John, left for Germany prior to his deployment to Iraq our whole church family gathered round to pray for him. Everyone laid a hand on him and those that couldn't reach him touched those that could.

It was powerful and for John, very significant. He knew people at home were praying for him on a daily basis. Pretty soon, friends of his were asking him to ask the people that were praying for John to pray for them and their families too.

My son is no angel. He is as human and failing as the rest of us. But during his deployment it gave him peace of mind knowing people remembered him and cared about what he was doing. And in a place as torn and wounded as Iraq, it meant a lot to him.

Dianna
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To the families of newly deployed soldiers:

Every individual will have to find their own battle rhythm. You might start out by scouring the websites for any information only to find it drives you crazy to know what is happening, so you quit doing that. Or you might begin by blocking out any information in order to stick by the ‘what I don’t know won’t hurt me’ mentality. Eventually you will work out the rhythm of knowing just how much info you need to get you through.

I’m sure all of us would recommend forming/joining a group that involves your soldiers unit/regiment. Talking with those who are going through what you are going through was the best way to get through each day. When you are down, they lift you up, and when they are down you can lift them up. You will get and give advice as needed. This is a huge learning experience, which during the first 6-8 months you stay confused, but finally start to understand parts.

Since your soldier will not be able to discuss much besides the weather you can actually get a little information here and there from some of the support group. (Always remember that you must follow the Operational Security guidelines as to what is discussed. Be sure this is one of the first things you learn. You do not want to put your soldier in harm’s way by discussing anything that can be intercepted by the enemy).

As you slowly get names of other soldiers in the same company as your soldier it is comforting to hear they checked in with their family. That kind of lets you know your soldier should be alright also.

For me, going to Daylife to look at the photos was therapy for me. I searched everyday for a shot of my son. I never found one, but it was calming to think there might be one today. Find different websites that involve your soldiers unit directly. They will post news as it happens and it will be exciting to see the good our troops are doing. Do not use common news as your source of information. Generally, they have it wrong or report only partial stories.

Most importantly, don’t allow yourself to worry yourself into an unhealthy state of mind. You must trust that your soldier has been well trained and will do their best to stay safe. Trust in that. And know that there are thousands praying for the safety of your soldier, God hears the prayers of His people.

Many Blessings!

Proud Army Mom, Terrie
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My advice?

Surround yourself with people who are going through (or have gone through) what you are going through. Find them on line, or in your community. Find your own "battle buddies"; they will become your "family." They know what you are going through.

If you need medication to get through, ask your health care provider for something to help you.

Be aware that there will be great highs and great lows. You will cry. You never know when you will cry.

Be active with a group that puts together boxes for the military.

I bought a deployment bracelet and I have not taken if off since my son was deployed. I see his name every day. It opens up conversations with others. My whole family has one with his name and my co-workers bought one with his name on it.

I got a myspace account. My son had one, so did a lot of his friends. We made a deal and he would get on line when he could. He did not have to write me anything, but when he would log on, it would update the date on his space and I would know he was ok.

Likewise, I became "friends" with his buddies and that way, I found pictures of my son with his battle buddies. I also was able to send all of them a short note from time to time.

Get a web cam and learn how to use it.

I used Yahoo Messenger and left it up at all times of the day and night. If my son got on line and wanted to talk to me, we could talk. Even at my desk at work.

Sign up for Google Alerts for your unit.

Send cards. Send something every week. Things we sent: McDonalds Happy Meal toys (to give the little kids), funny seasonal stuff, lots of baby wipes, beef jerky, gum, Girl Scout cookies, popcorn, microwave meals, q-tips, battery operated fans, cds, dvds, white socks, tampons, Band-Aids, first aide stuff.

Hold each other tight when you can. Hugs are good.

Fly your flag.

Pray.

Nancy T.
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My wishes for the families of the unit deploying is that their warriors have an uneventful deployment (although I know that the warrior ethos wishes to see action), and that you find someone like Collabman and Marti to provide information and emotional support to relieve the agony of isolation, loneliness, and uncertainty that you can certainly expect.

You can expect those anxious moments when an unexpected car pulls into the driveway or a stranger stands knocking at your door--I won't miss that feeling at all.

You should also expect to occasionally encounter that despicable journalist or politician who can only speak defeatist words that make us question if our cause is truly noble, worthy of the cost, and possible of victory.

These are some of the tough times that you can expect to encounter.

You will get through these tough times by finding a way to talk with other families, either through local support groups (which helped me), or hopefully through a support group (like ours) within their own brigade (which helped me even more).

I have found this to be a journey that has deepened my personal faith through my prayers for all our soldiers, and in the belief that our Heavenly Father is in control of my son's future.

These are some of the feelings that I have experienced, and how I have responded to them.

George
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To the families of those about to be deployed,

Fifteen months ago my son left for Iraq and I had no idea of what to expect. I was not part of a military family, nor did I know anyone who was. I knew my family and friends would be there for me, but, would never fully understand my angst. That's when I decided a support group was what I really needed.

My first suggestion is for you to become part of a group. You can begin your own or find one through the internet. It is really helpful if it is a group from your soldier's brigade, regiment, company, etc. This is where you will find other families who are experiencing the same things as you. Throughout the deployment you will share fears and tears and smiles and laughs with people who become your extended families. I have formed friendships with people I have never met, but know they will last a lifetime.

For the first few months, you will be functioning surrounded by a huge cloud. For no reason at all, you might break into tears. It's okay to do that, even if people look at you as if you are nuts. Eventually, you will fall into your own battle rhythm and your day to day life will begin to fall back into place. That's when you actually begin to function, even sleep a little and the feeling of depression starts to let up. It really helps if you keep busy. My house has never been so clean because of the sleepless nights.

The one thing I think is really important for you to know is that the communication between you and your soldier won't be as often as you thought or would like. In this age of technology, I thought I would be in contact with my son daily. That didn't happen and sometimes as much as two weeks went by and there was no word. He knew he was alright and I really learned the meaning of "no news is good news."

When you do hear, your soldier won't be able to discuss what he/she is doing. This is due to Operational Security so, you learn to talk around things. From time to time your soldier may send you photos of downtime and you can search the internet for photos. If your lucky, you may find some of your soldier at work. Once again, search the internet. It will become your best friend for news.

No matter how hard you try, this deployment won't go any faster so take one day at a time. I didn't begin a countdown clock until there were about thirty days left. I am still counting so you know it isn't over yet.

Our soldiers are the best in the world and your soldier is highly trained to do his job. Remember, he is surrounded by his buddies who will watch out for him/her as he them and God watches over them all.

If at anytime through this deployment you need to talk with someone please don't hesitate to email me. I'll be more than happy to be there for you.

mljtexas@yahoo.com

God Bless you and your soldier,
Marti
Proud Mother of a 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment soldier
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As I am thankful that my son has made it through his first deployment I am filled with joy, while at the same time my heart goes out to others just gearing up for the next 12 months (better than 15 months, though). Hopefully I may have something helpful to share...

What to expect...

Expect it ALL regarding emotions. For a really long time. Expect that others will not understand and say really bizarre things. Expect to cry a lot. Expect to feel extremely proud and protective and patriotic. Expect a lot of help and support when you find a group (physical or online) to share with. Not IF but WHEN. This is critical.

What you can do....

Make a friend at the post office, go to the same branch when mailing, its easier to get information and help from the same folks. Send LOTS of packages, keeps you busy, and your soldier loves all the things you send.

Learn to forward calls on your home phone to your cell so you don't miss those precious calls. (And they don't miss you).

The internet is your friend. Get to know GOOGLE, and create a myspace page to stay in touch and get clues as to whats going on (most soldiers have a myspace). I think AOL and YAHOO instant messaging is popular too. Get a camera for your messaging if poss. It's great to see them live when chatting and to see where they are.

Pay attention to security online. The bad guys have internet skills and want to know where the good guys are and what they are doing and when they are vulnerable.

DO NOT CRY if you can at all help it when you speak to your loved one. They need to know you are ok, and have enough to worry about. DO NOT WHINE OR FIGHT OVER ANYTHING, they are doing their best, and its all moot in life or death circumstances.

Learn your military jargon/lingo, and your geography. Wikipedia is your friend, too. It will help when your soldier rattles off FOB COP OPSEC NCO RPG, and acts like you should know this stuff!

Don't be afraid to research and ask the hard questions, if it will give you peace. You will wonder how that dreaded "knock at the door" is done, you will wonder how to get from the Dept of Defense an official list of wounded and killed during a panic attack after hearing something bad about the area your soldier is in and he/she has not called you for what seems like an eternity. This is normal and not the least bit morbid.

Don't obsess on the news or media of any kind. Very often, they are WAY off, and overly dramatic.

See your doctor if you have trouble sleeping or functioning. It's not brave to suffer.

Love yourself as you love your soldier. Above all, be proud. If I know nothing else, I know that WE ALL DAMN SURE HAVE EARNED IT.

Thank you for your part, good luck and Godspeed.

Stephanie
Proud mother of a Cavalry Scout, United States Army
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If I were asked by a young lady of a warrior headed to Iraq, "What should I expect during this deployment?" I would say a few things..

First of all, it's not going to be easy, but that's probably a given. I had my soldier give me his dog tags (shh...) before he left, and they stay on my neck and serve as a constant reminder of his sacrifice. People see the chain, they ask me about it, and it strikes conversation in all sorts of circumstances. Talking not only with him, but also about him, all the time keeps him around spiritually since we have to compromise the physical aspect until he's done. Have some of his stuff, and use it.

Second of all, you HAVE to have people with whom you can talk who sincerely understand your situation. God blessed me with a best friend from high school with whom I've kept contact for what feels like forever whose other-half attends West Point and is deploying soon. She understood the distance and although her soldier was still in the states, having the distance-factor as a common denominator gave us a connection. I also kept in contact with Collabman and his wife (!) which was such a blessing considering we were both missing the same warrior. You can join all sorts of groups either online or through your church or at your school which support our soldiers' efforts...

Which leads into my third point: stay involved in your warrior's life and daily affairs. Keep them updated. If you don't hear from them for a week, try not to wig out, and write them online and by snail mail, telling them about things that are going on at home, who's asking about them, who's praying for them, and what you anticipate doing with them when they get back. Learn about what they're doing and how you can help from home. Most of the time, you will either be asked to send a care package or to simply pray for them, two things of which all of us are more than capable. Send baked goods and pictures and cards for each holiday. Get creative! I always write inside jokes on the outside of my flat-rate boxes which I send so he knows exactly which one is his. (And while we're on the topic of the postal service, don't freak out if it takes a box almost 2 weeks to get to him. The system can be fickle sometimes.)

Finally, be patient and have faith. I know that my faith keeps me going not only each day but in all circumstances, simple or difficult. Meditate, pray, do whatever you do and believe that he's coming home to you in no time at all. He's off changing lives and making home a safer place for US to live, so thank him constantly. He's maintaining the strength to do what we cannot, so we must be strong and support him with all that is in us. And most importantly, tell him you're gonna be here when he comes home, and tell him you love him.

Erin
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First, let me say thank you for raising a child who is willing to leave everything that's comfortable and "normal" to serve his/her country in a place that's anything but comfortable and normal. These are remarkable men and women and we're so proud of them.

About expectations - here's my advice: Don't have any. My husband and I were sure that with today's technology, our son would email or call us at least once a week and send pictures often. They do have internet access most of the time and access to phones some of the time, but they have very little time to use them. And when they do have free time, much of it is spent resting. These guys work hard and it takes a lot of time and effort to wait in line to use the computers and phones. Don't worry, they'll call or email when they can and you'll learn to appreciate each and every word when they do.

That's why it's so important to find a support group online who can help supply information when things are quiet from your soldier. The emotional support they can provide is absolutely invaluable as well. If you can't find one, start one. Ours started with a simple comment on the Stryker Brigade News website. And it blossomed from there.

One expectation that it's safe to have: your soldier is well-trained and they're protected with the best armored vehicle ever invented. Read up on the Stryker, watch shows about it on the military channel, look online for information. The more you learn, the more you'll realize that these guys are well-protected while they're on patrol. And the training that they received before they deployed is much more than adequate to prepare them for what they will face. These soldiers are prepared! And though most of them left as boys, they all come home as men. They grow up in ways that you can't even imagine.

If you have friends who pray, ask them to pray for your soldier. I truly believe prayer is what has kept our soldier safe thus far and it certainly has helped us through some tough times. It won't be easy, but you'll get through this. We did.

Ms. Collabman
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I can honestly say that Manny's deployment has made me learn to live my life during his deployment a second at a time...not even a minute...as I remember you writing on one of your first blogs.

Many times I would be driving and would start crying just missing him and praying to the almighty God to keep him and all the others safe. Wow, I don't think any parent/spouse/family can ever imagine or prepare for something like this. One thing that I did learn is not to take anything for granted and not to sweat the small stuff.

Lastly, I would like to say that if it would not have been for our support group, and the many encouraging words that were just said at the perfect time, I would have gone insane. As a result of my son's deployment, I have made some everlasting friends, which I have never met, but have been there for me every step of the way. I could not have made it without them.

As to my warrior, all I could say is that I was there for him unconditionally at whatever times he needed me. There were days...that I would spend hours in the IM on a weekend talking to him about sports, etc., and I know that helped him remain sane.

Maria